Invisible Today

Hey guys! Been awhile, eh. I have been holding off on blogging until I was able to finish the "Life Story" blogs that I started, but I think I am going to put that on hold for a while. There are some really cool things that God is doing in my life right now and I just can't not share them.

The Crossroads experience today is what led me to write this blog tonight, but I will get to that later. LEt me give you a brief history about my involvement in the crossroads for you who have no idea who I am talking about. Most of you that would be reading this know that 1 year ago I finally took the leap out of the background and met with some dude I didn't know named Shawn Kemp about some church plant thing in Anna. All I knew was that a group of people I never met were starting a church and needed somebody to lead worship for them because they were getting pretty desperate, had their first preview service in like 2 weeks, and I was the last possible option, gee thanks y'all. So I meet with this guy at Taco Cabana and immediately something sparked. Now, I am not an old guy but God and I have been through enough together that I recognize when he sparks; I should follow. After meeting with Shawn, and feeding him some cheesy lines about my philosophy of worship(I'm quite sure they weren't all that inspiring) we agreed that I would simply lead the 3 preview services for them and then, well, whatever....

If you would have told me on that night that I would be where I am on this night, well, let's just say I would have suggested a very thorough psychiactric exam. You see, I have been in tears off and on all day. I am humbled. I am excited. I am awed. I am inspired and I am in love with a crazy, imperfect, love filled, group of misfits for God that call themselves the Crossroadies. For those of you that have kids, do you remember that moment when your son or daughter was about 2 or 3 and you are out in the middle of the street pushing them along on their first bike and you let go and they start peddling all by themselves. Or the first time they write their name or.... well, you get my drift. Most of you have had that moment, right? Well, today was one of those moments for me, but not with my own children. It was with my crossroadies. It happened this morning in the worship set. I began the first song of the worship set, "Heart of Worship" and as I sang the words "When the music fades and all is stripped away," God immediately says to me, "they will see me and not you." A little taken back at the sudden interuption in my flow(Imean seriously, who does God think he is interupting my worship set, GEESH!) I opened my eyes and looked out at the congregation and I immediately broke down. I mean, like, tears streaming, I almost lost it right there. As soon as I saw the people out there I knew exactly what He meant and it touched me beyond words. You get a better since of what I am talking about when you read the song lyric with what God said to me all as one phrase: "When the music fades and all is stripped away, they will see me and not you." The reason that touched me is because a very common prayer of mine is that God would make me and the band invisible so that they can focus on Him. I saw in that moment that these friends were not worshiping with me becasue it is my title and they have to because this is my portion of the service. No, rather, they are worshipping without me completely. Not one eye was on me. I wasn't worshiping for them; we were worshipping together. That gave me a freedom today that I can't explain and rarely experience this fully when I am leading worship. It is like every reservation and "sense of duty" was lifted from my spirit and I decided in that moment it was not me leading them to the throne, it was them leading me. Knowing that I did not have to "perform" to a certain level to receive thier approval allowed me to experience a closeness to God this morning in worship that I haven't felt in quite a while and it is was at the hands of my own congregation. Now, I don't know about other worship leaders, but the biggest compliment I could ever receive has nothing to do with musicianship, or quality of sound, or any of that stuff. The biggest compliment I could receive, is the day in which I can look out at the congregation and through their example, be led in to the presence of God. I became totally invisible to them today and it that was one of my proudest parent moments. In 1 short year I have gone from being confident that I wouldn't stay with this church past the preview services because church plants weren't my thing, to being completely engulfed in this thing we call the Crossroads. And in 1 short year, the Crossroads has gone from staring at me wondering if I am any good, to forgetting that I am even there(In any other evironment I would be fired for that kind of progress in my job). These folks are my friends, my family, and now, my favorite worship leaders(I would take the Crossroadies over Crowder anyday)! I love you guys with all my heart and I thank God everyday for you and your acceptance of me into your family.

P.S.- If the spelling is bad, deal with it! I am tired and going to bed.