My Story Part 1

I have been sitting at my computer for the last 10 minutes staring at this blank screen trying to figure out what it is today that God would have me say that might give the followers of this blog some kind of insight into where I am at at this point in my journey and I was blank.

As I prayed that God would give me words to say or a story to tell that might express my current situation, a thought occurred to me. How can I expect people to understand where I am currently at in my life and in my faith and in my walk, if you haven't yet heard how I got here.
I think most of you have caught glimpses into my past, but I have really never shared with any of you my testimony. I know so much about each of you as you have been completely open about who you used to be and how you have changed, so I guess it is my turn. My prayer for you as you read this is not to feel empathy or guilt or shame for me or my past because the truth is; I have learned not only to accept who I was, but also to embrace it. My past, both the good and the bad are a part of who I am and I thank God for the triumphs in my life but even more so for the failures. If we never experience what it is like to fall, then we will never have the courage to keep walking. So I pray that God will give you an understanding through this blog of who I am and through that, I hope you would find some kind of hope in knowing that God is here. Even when you are not seeking Him. He hears you. He sees you. He loves you and he will do what it takes to change your life. He will bring you to the brink if He has too, but he will change you.

I have decided to make this a series. I will give you my story a piece at a time. Some parts may be boring to you. Heck, the whole thing may be boring to you. But continue to tune in and you may find something in this that you didn't know about me.

The juicy stuff doesn't start until high school so bear with me. I had a pretty easy go of it until that point. I had a normal childhood, never really wanted for anything. some would go as far as to say I was spoiled and that is not entirely untrue. Being the youngest of three, the only boy, and I wasn't supposed to happen, this adds up to a bit of silver spoon syndrome. I was saved when I was 8 at New Hope Baptist Church in Aubrey, TX. Truth, is I don't remember it at all except for the baptism, and the only reason I remember that is because I was terrified to be dunked under the water. I just took my mom's word for it that both her and the pastor talked to me and I seemed at the time to understand why I walked the isle(A real life changing moment, eh). I suppose it was not life changing because I never followed up on it. Not too long after that we started a series of moves that lasted until high school and so I guess we never really got settled in enough to get involved in another church. Throughout my childhood I attended 7 different schools a total of 11 different times. Yes, I know it doesn't add up. I left and came back a couple of times. I have lived in Little Elm, TX/ Durant, OK/ Omaha, NE/ Houston, TX/ Rowlette, TX and I think that is it. I know you are asking why I am telling you this. It is to preface the fact that I became quite the actor. When you are going into a new school, if you do not fit in immediately you are cast aside quickly and so I learned how to adapt to the people around me and basically become who they were, or at least someone they would like.

My life after elementary school was all about making people like me to the point that somewhere along the way I developed some pretty big self confidence issues. My entire being revolved around what people thought of me. In looking back now, the cool part about this time in my life is realizing that even though God was not a thought in my head, He still had a plan for me and intended on carrying that plan out despite my lack of hearing. Let me explain. I do not come from a musical family. In fact, other than an uncle or cousin here and there that played in a bar band one time, no one in my family plays music, sings, or can really even carry a tune very well at all. And yet, out of the blue, my 6th grade year, I told my mother that I wanted to join the band and play saxophone. She was somewhat taken back by this as was I. Remember, I have developed some self consciousness at this point and throwing myself head first into a new group of people that were doing something that I had never attempted or really had a desire to do before was not a common thing for me. None of my friends at the time were in the band and I really didn't know anyone that played an instrument. Needless to say, terrified, I went to the band director and told her that I wanted to play saxophone. At first, she said that the sax class was full but that I could play trombone. I agreed but was really bummed(I really wanted to play sax. Didn't know why, I just was drawn to that instrument). Anyway, after I had left, the band director called my mom later that day and told how she had noticed how bummed I was about not getting to play sax. She agreed to a pot for me in the class. she actually had to get it approved with the principal to do so and yet she was willing to do that without knowing me. I still play sax to this day, and it was that moment that my passion for music, that later became a passion for worshipping God, was born. I still remember the band director that saw something in me and agreed to let me into her class. Her name was Susan Eisenson. She moved to NC after I had moved away from Houston and I was never able to track her down, but I would love to someday tell her what she did for me that day and throughout the next 2 years and ask her what led her to go to the trouble for a kid she didn't know. Anyway, it is so humbling now to see that God had that day planned out from the moment I was conceived(before then actually. And he was going to make sure that on that day everything worked according to His will for my life. That was a defining day in my life that I will never forget.

to be continued.........