The Prayer of an ADD Mind!

Okay, so I warn you now that this post has absolutely no meaning or message to it. I simply want to give you a glimpse into the prayer life of someone with ADD. BTW- I really do have ADD. I was diagnosed when I was about 18. Yeah I know, right! A little late on the diagnosis. Had I known before then maybe I would not have felt like such an idiot because I couldn't study or focus on doing homework. To this day, I am a horrible studier. I am great at hyper focusing on memorizing, but actually studying is as foreign to me as Latin. Oh wait! I am supposed to be talking about my prayer life. Okay, so anyway. This really is just me venting and being frustrated at how hard I have to concentrate on personal prayer time with my Father. I was actually spending some quiet time with God about 15 minutes ago and it took me about 15 minutes to get my head focused so I gave up and will try again later. Maybe my brain will make a better connection then. With that being said(for no apparent reason), I want to walk you thru the thought process from the beginning of the prayer to when I gave up. Maybe you will relate to it, maybe you will feel sorry for me, maybe this will help you to understand me a little more, or maybe you will just get a kick out of laughing at my frustration. Do with it what you will.

these were my thoughts in prayer time:

I have a few minutes I think I will spend some time in prayer. (I proceed to sit at my desk, close my eyes, and take a couple of deep breathes to focus)

Father, I want to lift you up this morning and...... (singing in my head) I will lift my eyes to the maker, of the mountains I can't climb. Ooooo, good song. We should do that song Sunday. No, wait I think we just did that a few weeks ago......or did we? What key is that song in? G I think, then it goes to A. That is a cool key change. Oh crap, I am supposed to be praying!

Okay start over: Father, I want to lift you up today and just take some time to recognize You as the lord of my life...... Ooooo, I should say Psalm 131 here. How does the verse go again? oh yeah.. Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not...........oh yeah, haughty. I do not concern myself with........Crap I forgot the rest! something about not dwelling on things that are too great for me to understand. Then something else about calming myself like a child that doesn't breast feed anymore. Dang it, what am I doing? I am supposed to be praying and now I am working on memory verses. Geesh!

Okay God, where did I leave off.......? oh yeah, God I just want to let you know....... What the crud are they doing in the break room. Why are they always so loud in there!? Seriously, don't they know I am trying to pray in here. Oh Crap! I am supposed to be praying!

Okay God I am focusing on you and nothing else.........except that, I wonder if I got all the music pulled for tonight. Yes! I did. Tammie is going to make copies for me. I wonder if I should bring my keyboard tonight since we don't have Jacob? Ooooo, I could do strings on I heard the bells, I bet that would sound awesome! I need to call Tammie and tell her to bring it. (I then proceed to try and dig my phone out of my pocket). DANG IT! I am supposed to be praying! I hate it when I do this.

Okay God, Please forgive me for allowing myself to lose focus on spending time with you. God I remember someone saying that when things begin to make us lose focus during prayer to begin praying for those things. Who said that, was it Becky. I think so, but I am not sure. Hmmm, that's going to bug me. AWWWWW! I did it again! What is wrong with me!!!? Screw it! I will pray later!


Satan won!

Because now instead of spending some alone time with God. I am blogging about not spending time with Him. I know that we all do this from time to time, but I must say, being ADD, it is pretty much every time I try to focus on alone time with God. Some hours I have more patience to hyper focus myself and spend time with God, but it usually takes me at least 5 minutes to get my mind cleared enough to hear God talking back. I laugh about it most of the time, but it really does get frustrating sometimes. Maybe I should consider meds?